Homegirl on a mission
To get that hairdo surgically removed, I hope
i get so affectionate when i’m sleepy it’s disgusting
My dog got excited when I got home from work and ran around me while peeing
if he thinks rape jokes are funny go on a romantic boat ride with him and leave him in the middle of the fucking ocean to die
This whole bit is made all the funnier by knowing that all of the guards were just random extras who weren’t told what was going to happen only that they weren’t allowed laugh at any cost as they wouldn’t be payed if they did.
*hears child crying* *takes birth control*
life’s too short for not attending all the concerts you wanna go to
scientist, n.: a person who gets very excited when they find out they were wrong.