vinegod:

Kids and their life goals these days… by SeanTheGod

kvncause:

Homegirl on a mission

disposable-spleen:

To get that hairdo surgically removed, I hope

foxnewsofficial:

i get so affectionate when i’m sleepy it’s disgusting

masturbation-is-illegal:

marielovesgroban:

Don’t forget we have to wake up Green Day tomorrow.

image

fuks:

SAIL

awwww-cute:

My dog got excited when I got home from work and ran around me while peeing

cosmo tip #600

expertcosmotips:

if he thinks rape jokes are funny go on a romantic boat ride with him and leave him in the middle of the fucking ocean to die

n0-p0st-0n-sunday:

pvnkslut:

If you pull me on your lap there is a 101% chance I’m going to make out with you.

i would advise you to avoid santa

kinkstertime:

This whole bit is made all the funnier by knowing that all of the guards were just random extras who weren’t told what was going to happen only that they weren’t allowed laugh at any cost as they wouldn’t be payed if they did.

cetaceas:

*hears child crying* *takes birth control*

katythekill:

life’s too short for not attending all the concerts you wanna go to

zuckergussprinzessin:

scientist, n.: a person who gets very excited when they find out they were wrong.

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